What If Love Actually Is All Around?

I've come to an uncomfortable conclusion about my relationships lately.

It's not them, it's me.

I've lived in a scarcity mindset for so long that I have developed this idea that I'm lacking support and alone in the world. That no one really cares what I say, do, or need. I've told myself it's fine, I prefer being on my own anyway. I don't need anyone. My defense mechanisms are so typical that it's almost laughable. 

Yes, I do enjoy spending time on my own. I flourish in solitude. That being said, I've come to realize that meaningful connection with others is also essential to my well-being.

The truth that's now revealing itself to me is that I'm not alone. I'm just terrible at receiving.

I've always been giving, and I thought that made me a kind and vulnerable person. It is kind, when it comes from an authentic place. But I can admit that sometimes my generosity comes with unspoken strings attached. I want validation, love, and appreciation in return. And I don't always get that, and then I feel I've given part of myself away to those who will never value me.

This is entirely a "me" problem. I can't control how others respond, but I can control where I choose to spread my own energy and kindness. Giving feels good, but it requires no actual vulnerability. 

Once I understood that true vulnerability lies in receiving, my patterns made more sense. I feel uncomfortable when others want to give to me, so I usually avoid it, shut it down, or simply choose to bring people into my life who are rather selfish. Then I can stay in my comfortable victim mentality. I can keep getting exactly what I'm used to instead of what I really want deep down inside.

I don't think I'm alone in this. Maybe you, too, were raised to believe that you had to give all the time. Maybe you never had your needs met as a child and kept perpetuating those same patterns into adulthood. Our parents fuck all of us up somehow - it seems inevitable. So what if instead of believing that everyone lives to take advantage of you, you shifted your beliefs? What if you chose to believe that love is all around? 

I can tell you that I've already seen shifts in my life as I slowly learn to receive support. I've found that my friends are actually eager to support and give to me if I let them (remember - giving feels good!). They are happy to be there for me. I am also calling more like-minded, kind and supportive people into my life now that I value my own energy and time. 

I'm letting myself receive, little by little. It's not as scary as I thought. It might even ... feel good. 

You deserve to get back everything you give out. You are worthy of love, kindness, compassion, and support. In order to actually receive, though, you first need to believe that you deserve it. Then you must start opening up and allowing it. It's time to lower those walls, darling. They aren't doing you any good.

You can do this. It'll feel foreign and daunting at first, but with each little act of receiving, your confidence and self-worth grow. I can attest to that. There are people in this world who want to support you.

You matter. Sending you love. 

What If You Put Yourself In The Way Of New Opportunities?

Life is what we make of it.

That's really true. All the expressions you've heard a million times that may seem trite now still exist for a reason. They resonated deeply when first expressed. 

When you feel like you're stuck in a rut and nothing exciting comes your way, examine whether you are open to new experiences. Are you exposing yourself to interests and activities that lie outside your usual scope? You might have tunnel vision and not realize it yet. It's commonplace to get comfortable, become used to your routine, and stop seeking out adventure. This is when we tend to stop expanding and growing beyond our current capacity, and in turn begin to notice discontent that seems to insidiously creep in out of nowhere.

But everything comes from somewhere, and if you are dissatisfied and bored, the answer may be as simple as trying something new.

You may not stick with that new endeavor. You may not even like it. But you won't know until you dive in. And so what if you don't stick with it? You're growing no matter what, and most importantly, you are training yourself to face the unknown with excitement rather than fear.

For example, a friend of mine recently completed her training in hypnotherapy. I knew close to nothing about what hypnotherapy actually is, and at first I didn't think much of trying it. It didn't seem like I needed to add in yet another healing modality. Then, as I noticed curiosity about it continuing to rise up into my consciousness, I thought, well why not? She isn't that expensive, and it can't hurt to try something different.

Fast forward a mere six sessions, and my time in hypnotherapy is the greatest highlight of my week. I'm continually amazed by the shifts I feel and the tangible progress I make towards my goals with each new dive into my subconscious. It's helped me so much that I already consider it a non-negotiable financial investment in myself to attend these sessions. If it aids my healing this monumentally, it's beyond worth it.

If you'd told me even a few months ago that I would now be a hypnotherapy devotee, I wouldn't have believed it. I'm also learning to never say never. 

Think about it this way. Doesn't it sound exciting to discover facets and sides to yourself that you never knew existed? To find strengths, openness, interests, and passions that are as of now lying dormant? That's the gift you give yourself by opening up to new possibilities. 

Next time you find your curiosity piqued by something, pay attention. Lean into it. Listen to your body and your intuition, not your doubt-ridden and dismissive brain. It doesn't hurt to try something, and if you hate it, guess what? You can always quit. It's your life. Don't just let it all pass you by while you hold back and worry.

You can do this. Embrace the unknown! You will discover so much about yourself. I've got your back, and I love you.