What If You Really Listened To Your Body?

 The first step in listening to your body is knowing how. 

I thought I was very in tune with my body. I've always been an active person, exercising constantly, teaching yoga, working long hours in restaurants and bars. I was a dancer for many years when I was young. As far as I was concerned, I totally understood what my body needed, because I used it a lot. 

Not the same thing.

I now realize I was, in fact, overusing my body physically in order to compensate for not treating it well in other ways. I then exacerbated the original problem - enduring long, erratic shifts at my job, going without enough water, binge eating late at night because I was starving after working for hours without a bite of food. On top of all that, I was obsessed with staying fit, despite the fact that I then further strained a system completely off balance already. If I didn't fit it all in, then I believed I was failing.

I owe much of my newfound sanity to the pause created by the pandemic. Among other things, for the first time in my adult life, I had the time to re-regulate my body properly. I created my own schedule and was able to eat meals at the proper times and intervals throughout the day. I had energy to cook and experiment with new, nutritious recipes. I began a new morning vitamin and supplement regime. 

Most of all, I had the space and awareness to sit with what my body wants. Eventually I no longer craved my go-to comfort foods because I knew how terrible I'd feel afterwards. I began tuning in to when I needed to release some energy and also when I needed rest. The concept of resting my body was previously foreign to me - resting meant gaining weight in my world. 

Guess what - none of this made me gain weight. I was so worried that a break from working forty hours a week on my feet meant losing my fitness. It didn't. It meant learning what my body actually needs.

You might think you know your body, but the truth is that you're most likely in a routine, on auto pilot, or following old habits that no longer fit your constantly evolving self. As the body ages and changes, you must adapt along with it. 

The best thing you can do for your journey towards listening to your body is developing a loving relationship with it. 

I always hated my body. I was never happy, no matter what I did, no matter how little I ate, no matter how much I exercised. It was never good enough. If you do this - as I believe most of us do to some extent - think about your body as something separate from yourself for a moment. Think about everything that it does for you, every minute of every day. Can you imagine talking to another person, a person who does this much for you constantly, the way that you demean your own body?

Likely not. There is no time like the present to begin shifting your relationship with your body and your health. You only get one physical form, so perhaps begin appreciating the wonder that it is. 

You can learn to love your body. You can learn to love yourself. 

It's never too late. You got this. 

What If We Normalized Openly Feeling All Of Our Emotions?

What a concept, eh?

How lovely it would be if we felt comfortable sharing all of ourselves with the world. The good, the good, and the good - because I don't believe any of it is bad or ugly. 

There is often an overarching emphasis in our society on the idea of healing as sticking staunchly to positivity and avoiding any less ... attractive emotions. And I call bullshit. Emotions are there for a reason. No one floats through this world feeling nothing but happiness, joy and peace. Especially not in the process of healing. 

I don't believe that even the most enlightened among us never feel frustration, sadness, loneliness, or everything else on the gamut. The difference is in how they handle and process this discomfort. 

Healing isn't about pretending that nothing is wrong and forcing yourself into a positive mindset while shoving the truth of your process down and stifling it under a smile. Quite the opposite. Healing is about peering into the wounds and learning their true nature in order to find a way to mend them properly so that they leave as little scarring as possible. 

Invisible wounds are the same as those that physically show on the body. If you do not clean a cut, but instead cover it so that no one can see, what happens? It gets infected. It oozes. Eventually a small scratch becomes a life-threatening problem. 

And so it goes with emotional and mental wounds ... we suppress them out of denial, fear of judgment, lack of self-awareness ... there are endless reasons. The world does not treat mental health fairly, and so we deny our own mental health issues. They are in fact no different than physical issues, but because they are perceived as making us less than, we hide them out of shame. 

Unfortunately, this is unlikely to change unless we do something about it. Perhaps if we begin, one by one, refusing to hide our truths in the shadows, we can make a difference. So many societal issues would be lessened or even solved if everyone was simply freed to feel comfortable expressing true emotion in a healthy, constructive and accepted manner. Then we would not feel obligated or pressured to carry it all inside until it becomes such a heavy burden that we explode, collapse, or crumple inwards.

Let's begin today. It's okay not to feel okay. That's the damn truth. The sooner we find the freedom to release emotion, the sooner we can process it and let it go. That's what leads to the ability to deal with our problems constructively. 

Find the courage today to begin standing, little by little, in the truth of your own emotions. You got this. I got you.

Much love. 

What If You Simply Gave Yourself A Friggin Break Today?

 Like so many things, it sounds simple, and yet I'm willing to bet you almost never do this for yourself.

Do you have a constant, nagging voice in your head telling you what you should and should not be doing? That you're behind? That you're not good enough? Is it so ingrained that you can't differentiate it from yourself anymore? 

You see, that's the thing - the voice isn't you. Maybe you've never quite realized that or it's been a part of your thought process for so long that you've forgotten, but it's not who you are. 

I thought my inner voice was me, too. I've criticized myself in my own thought process constantly for most of my life. Of course I no longer understood that the voice is, in fact, simply a combination of all the voices that judged, criticized and disrespected me when I was a child. When I finally got a new therapist and she pointed out how horribly cruel and relentless my thoughts about myself are, it took me a while to fully integrate what she meant.

"Should" and "I need to" are bullshit guilt trips that we place upon ourselves, and yet if you examine your own thoughts I bet that you think in terms of "should" and "I need to" quite a lot. What if you replaced them with "could" and "I want to"? Just consider it. Think about how that might shift your mental state. If you were not in a constant thought spiral of guilt, shame and denial about who you are, what could you do? What would you want to do? 

I am very proud of the progress that I've made since the day I realized that my thoughts do not, in fact, own me. I let my own brain run me ragged, but that was an unconscious choice I made day in and day out because I knew no other way. You are in charge of your thoughts! They are not in charge of you, and they can be changed. The beauty is that no matter how ingrained the patterns you have currently, thoughts can always be changed, as long as you want that change badly enough.

That voice still tries to chime in and tell me that I should have gone to bed earlier, I should have gotten up earlier, I should have accomplished more today, I should have exercised more. It was my mind's foremost influence for decades - it's not entirely gone, and maybe it never will be. That's okay, because now when it pipes up, I know that I can quiet it and accept exactly who I am, where I am.

Try it today - there's no time like now. What if you start listening for that critical inner voice, and when it tries to interfere with your life, you give yourself a break instead of conceding? What if you allow yourself to be? What if you let go of what's already done and decide regret and guilt are a useless waste of your energy?

You are worthy exactly as you are. There is nothing that you have to do or accomplish in order to deserve your spot in this world. You are enough. That's it. End of story. 

Give yourself a break today and allow yourself to actually believe it.

What If Going Through The Shit Is The Only Way Out Of It?

This topic seems appropriate, considering that most of us feel like the world is a complete and utter shitstorm right now. And we aren't wrong, but for many, the world is always this chaotic and unstable. The difference is that right now we are all experiencing the same shitstorm on a global level. There are always major crises and tragedies occurring all around us. It's just that usually we look away because we can. It doesn't directly concern us. 

This grand splitting-open isn't necessarily a bad thing. It brings to light our intense failure to right social justice issues across the board. It exposes the truth of the fragility of our global economy, the dangerous financial reliance of many low-income groups and developing nations on the tourism boom of the past few decades, and the ridiculousness of giving our life's blood away to meaningless work in the name of constantly chasing the illusion of material happiness. 

What I've noticed most during this mess is that those around me suddenly desire to change the course of their lives. They - and I too - are realizing that we are living a lie, attempting to fit into a formula that simply does not work sustainably any longer. We want to choose a better way. We want to feel like we even HAVE a choice in a world that so increasingly informs us that we do not - unless we want to end up homeless and destitute.

So that brings me to this simple fact: if we were not going through this shitstorm, this intense, communal test, would we be here right now? I do not think so, not in the shift I've seen in people previously committed to their daily grind, unhappy but still unquestioning.

I am not pretending that this is a beautiful and uplifting time of change. It's obviously not. People are dying and suffering and hurting and bearing burdens of every kind of oppression imaginable. I also don't believe that's new. Again, we weren't looking because we didn't have to. Some still turn their eyes away, and some will never acknowledge the interconnectedness of our universe, denying it vehemently even as their every selfish decision negatively impacts the lives of others. 

I am also not implying that once we go through the shit, we will really be "out of it". There's no such thing. Life is literally a journey of constantly going through shit, but wouldn't you rather move through it and on to slightly better-smelling shit than sit in the same old pile your whole life? Stale shit gets old real fast.

My point is that there is no glossy shortcut to healing the world or anything else, and that goes for your personal journey as well. Think of get-well-quick promises as pyramid schemes, because they are. Healing is messy, chaotic, and at many junctures along the way you will feel worse than you did before you began. It is not linear, it is not promised, and it is definitely not all sparkles, sunshine, and magic. When breakthroughs do occur, they are magical in their visceral specificity to your internal turmoil. No one else needs to understand them as long as you do. 

I challenge you to give yourself permission to leap into the middle of that steaming pile of shit that you have spent so much time and energy attempting to avoid. Let me tell you right now, you can't get around it. If you know that beyond any doubt, will you finally do the tough work of muddling through? Or will you spend your entire life force desperately denying that it exists, even as you inhale the putrid familiarity? 

You can do this. Know that even if there are more obstacles beyond it, the more work you do, the easier it becomes to deal with them. Learn to become so strong in your foundation that nothing can shake you. This is what taking charge of your healing does for you, even when it's not pretty and even when it feels so difficult that you can't keep going. You can. You are capable of owning your journey.

I love you. You got this. We got this. We have to heal ourselves so we can help to heal the world. 

What If You Allowed Yourself To Just Be?

Think about it. Wouldn't it feel powerful to accept yourself exactly as you are, in this very moment, and release the need to do anything outside of that? 

Ah, if only it were so simple, but for the majority of us it is not. I am making some progress towards this goal, but it's definitely incremental. For most of my life, I've tried to fill a need - something I believe someone else to need, something I think I "should" be, something the world seems to expect of me. Lately I've come to realize that I'm expending a whole lot of effort that is benefiting no one, least of all myself.

In trying to meet the supposed expectations of others, you not only abandon yourself but also do them a disservice by not allowing them to voice their actual needs. The desire to constantly control a situation or someone's perception of you comes from a deep-rooted sense that you are not worthy just for existing. 

It is difficult to shift this when it's coming from stored trauma and long-held beliefs about yourself. Releasing feels terrifying when you've spent a lifetime believing that you are only safe if you can adjust to the needs of others. Letting go is the opposite of control, and if you're like me, it's a completely foreign thing to do. It feels unnatural. It feels horribly uncomfortable. It feels scary.

Letting go is easy to speak on but difficult to implement. I can tell you that if someone doesn't appreciate and love you exactly as you are, then you should let them walk away. While that's absolutely true, many of us are not strongly rooted enough in our own self-worth to believe it. There's also a distinct possibility that you've never actually shown anyone who you really are because you learned as a child that you were not safe or accepted as yourself.

None of this is your fault. You did not choose the cards you were dealt when you were young. You do, however, now have a responsibility to decide what you do with those cards, and which ones contain lies that you need to toss out in order to progress. 

Releasing sounds like the easiest thing in the world, but it is truly the most difficult when you are struggling with your inner self. Start to cultivate mindfulness and peace little by little, in whatever methods you find that work for you. There are so many healing modalities and books out there - try all sorts of options so you know what best helps you to let go. My personal favorites are mindfulness practices, meditation, breath work, yoga, journaling and reading relevant literature. 

Take your time, be patient with yourself, and go as slowly as you need. If just being was simple, a lot more people would be living in states of peaceful bliss and total self-acceptance. 

I love you. You got this. Be kind to yourself. 

What If You Let Yourself Feel Everything That You Are Afraid To Feel?

 You're probably thinking, I feel! I feel lots of things, all the time. 

Of course you do. We all do. I'm not suggesting that you're a sociopath. 

So let's go a little deeper. What if you let yourself feel everything that you are afraid to feel? 

The first step is identifying - even allowing yourself to identify - what those feelings actually are. You may be so terrified of them that this is the toughest part of the process. You may have stifled them for so long that you're entirely disconnected from yourself and have inner rediscovery work to do before you can even take this step. 

Once you've identified them, ask yourself: Why am I afraid to feel them? 

Don't gloss over it. Sit with it. Sit with yourself. When you feel uncomfortable, stay. Your answer is on the other side of moving through your discomfort. It might be just as frightening to let yourself admit why you are afraid as to actually feel.

If it helps, I'll tell you why I was so afraid to let myself feel my deep sadness, my fear of failure, my lack of self-worth, and my sense of hopelessness. I thought that if I truly released everything I'd kept locked so tightly inside for decades, it would kill me. 

What was actually killing me? Stifling my truth.

I won't lie to you - sometimes I still find fear in myself around my own emotions. Sometimes it feels like if I let the sadness start flowing, it'll never stop. But it releases, little by little, more each day.

Now, here's the catch. You may already think that you let yourself feel everything. You may have depression and sadness, you may lash out or cry or react in ways that seem very emotional. But anger is just a cover for pain, and when you cry, do you really let yourself CRY? Or do you stop yourself at some point to numb with a coping mechanism?

I'm asking because that's what I did without realizing it. I was uncomfortable letting myself go deep into the darkness of my shadow self, so when I decided I couldn't stand to feel bad anymore, I would turn on the TV, or drink wine until I could fall asleep, or eat junk that only made me feel worse about myself later. Because I was too afraid to stay with my pain until it fully passed through me, it stayed stuck inside my body, prolonging my agony even as I kept ignoring it. 

So I'm challenging you to challenge yourself. Identify the emotions you are afraid to let out. Ask yourself why you're afraid. Find a way to feel safe releasing your feelings - maybe you work with a therapist, or a breath work coach, or a friend or partner who is willing to hold space with you. Trust that you can feel without dying - that rising out of your numbness is the only way you can truly live. 

It's not easy. But you can do it. You want to heal, and you can. Acknowledging the truth of your own emotions is a crucial step in the journey.

It is safe to feel, and your feelings are completely valid, no matter what they are. I love you. You got this. 

What If Joy Is Simply A State Of Mind?

 Skeptical? So was I, for most of my life. 

I could not even grasp the concept of "changing my perspective". First of all, people toss that phrase around like it's easy to transform neural pathways that were formed during your development and negative stories that were reinforced over and over throughout your life. Whether you were the one unconsciously creating situations that reinforced them or not, it happened, and it only furthered your misery, depression, anxiety, low self-confidence, insecurity, lack of self-worth ... or anything else you've suffered from that I haven't named.

I've struggled with the notion of learning how to think positively many times throughout my own life. It literally felt like an impossibility to emerge from the depressive rut I lived in, my moods mostly ranging from "just okay" to suicidal. I hardly ever experienced real joy. I thought it was something that more functional people felt, that I was so irrevocably broken that there was no hope for me in this world.

So yeah, I get it if you don't think you have the capacity to shift your life and find possibilities for yourself. But I'm also here to tell you that you're wrong. Every single person on this planet can accomplish this, no matter what you think. But you've got to open yourself up to new possibilities and commit yourself wholeheartedly to change.

And, perhaps most importantly, when it gets uncomfortable and scary and tough, you have to push through and push on anyway.

That's as much a reminder to myself as it is to you. 

I can't tell you what your personal journey looks like. Everyone is different. I can tell you what helped me to adjust my belief about my own possibilities - knowledge. When I began to read scientifically proven information about trauma, neurology, and how our bodies store our history, it gave me hope. When I began to understand that my behaviors are simply explainable products of my life thus far, not hopeless flaws or indicators that I'm broken, it freed me. 

I never knew that I could separate my emotions and my unhealthy patterns from my SELF. Believing that I was my emotions, I lived in service to their every whim, and thought of myself as a hopeless mess. Now that I understand that my self is the constant, and my emotions come and go, I approach my life from a place of personal power that I didn't know existed. 

What if you decided enough is enough and that you want to live a joyful life before it's too late?

You can do this. Recruit help, whatever assistance you may need on your path. Open yourself up to hope and possibility and you'll find it actually can exist for you. You can learn to choose joy, even if right now you don't even understand how. I didn't either - but I also knew I couldn't bear to live in misery any longer. 

You're wonderful, and you are loved. Until next time, you got this. 

What If You Believed That You Deserve What You Want?

If you struggle with your confidence and self-worth, it's likely that you are actually terrified of reaching for your dreams.

Why? Because in the twisted, convoluted logic of our brains, simply trying to keep us safe, if we never try that hard, then we never actually fail either.

Never mind the fact that not trying is, in fact, automatic failure. It's still easier to excuse ourselves by saying, "yeah, well, I never really went for it". That feels more comfortable than going all out for something and then really falling on our faces. 

On the other hand ... it's pretty damn hard to get what you want if you don't take any risks.

So many of us are stuck in this position, desperately longing for a path that provides us with purpose and meaning, but paralyzed under the burden of our anxiety and fear. I have been right there with you for most of my life. I couldn't understand it - I'd finally get an opportunity and I would say no, because in the moment of decision, I was certain that I wasn't actually up to the task. It's a special kind of torture to spend all your time working towards something and then, when you have the possibility to move closer, be so terrified that you shove it away with both hands. 

I'm not saying that I'm cured. A lack of self-confidence, especially one that you've spent a lifetime unconsciously reinforcing, does not just melt away. What I'm saying is that I'm finally aware of my self-defeating patterns, and I am learning about the neurological reasons behind them. They, like so much in my life, are related to trauma and wounding that dates all the way back to childhood. 

The good news is that you can work on rewiring your brain and shifting your perspective. Don't get me wrong, this will take work and the help of some trained professionals. First you have to cultivate a strong desire to change - to finally make your life what you'd like it to be. Then - and most importantly - you have absolutely got to take action. Without that, you have nothing. I thought I wanted to change for a long time, but I wasn't moving towards actually doing so. Guess what? I stayed exactly where I was - stuck, miserable, and confused.

Doesn't it feel terrible to have so little faith in your own ability to create the life you want? 

You can pull yourself out of this rut. It's going to take some strength, but you can do it. I firmly believe that if I can move out of the deep, dark chasm that I found myself in six months ago, you can do the same. 

Loving yourself takes patience, compassion and a deep desire for change. It's not easy, but it is arguably the only work actually worth doing. A life lived in a state of self-loathing isn't much of a life at all, and yet so many of us wallow there indefinitely. 

I believe in you. 

All you have to do is take one step towards progress. Then another. Then another. Move one step at a time into a better life for yourself. 

Don't overwhelm yourself into paralysis. Step by step, my friend. Gentle gentle.

You are loved. You've got this. 

 

What If You Began Cherishing Your Own Heart?

Let's be real - learning to love yourself is a hell of a difficult journey when you've fumbled in the darkness for so long.

I understand if it initially feels ridiculous to speak affirmations into the mirror or chant self-love mantras in your head while you go about your day. I've always wanted so badly to love myself, but a few months ago the mere idea seemed impossible. If I'd gone into a healing program at that point, I absolutely would've been the woman in the corner rolling my eyes and muttering sarcastic comments - to shield myself against completely falling apart. 

If you, like me, are in a stuck place, at a loss for where to even begin, you aren't alone. In fact, I'd argue that most of the people on this planet feel stuck or trapped in one way or another. This is an incredibly freeing realization. Everyone is scared. Everyone feels alone. Everyone longs for connection and understanding. Seriously, even the people you think have their shit together - they don't. I promise you. 

Most humans are in one of three basic positions:

- Full of unhealed pain and trauma, but oblivious to their need for healing ... except for the fact that they are persistently unhappy and imbalanced and don't know why

- Full of unhealed pain and trauma and aware of it, but with no idea how to begin the healing process

- Full of unhealed pain and trauma, aware of it, and actively engaged in constructive healing modalities

Look, everyone has baggage. The people who act like they don't are usually the most fragile and insecure. That's how I was. I knew I had wounds to heal but I was terrified to look at them. I felt afraid and alone, so I pretended to be fine. That's what we do. Our brains are wired to protect us and to help us survive, and so we follow our brains instead of dropping in - in to our bodies, our intuition, our hearts. Dropping in terrifies us, and so we resist.

If you are lost in the dark, insecure and disconnected, I'm willing to bet that you have a soft, tender heart that feels like it must be protected at all costs. You do one of two things - you give your love away, hoping that by doing so you'll get some back, or you keep it under lock and key so that theoretically no one can hurt you.

These two tactics have one thing in common. You are not giving yourself any of that beautiful love that you inherently carry.

You, lovely soul, have so much heart. You are yearning for love, for connection. What if you could learn to turn that sweet tenderness inward and feed your own needs? Everything you desire lives inside you, even if you absolutely don't believe that in this moment. Your fears do not negate the fact that you carry all the love you require. 

Let's journey together towards understanding how to give ourselves the nourishment we give away so freely to others. 

Until next time, I love you. I believe in you. If I can begin the journey towards loving myself, I know you can too. 

What If You Took A Chance?

Hello, and welcome! 

I want to thank you for taking a chance today, on me and my blog. Look at that, you already did it and didn't even know it!

Seriously though, I'm so glad that you're here. 

I decided to take a chance and start writing about something that matters to me, and that I imagine matters to you since you are reading this - the complicated, nonlinear journey from suffering to healing.

I don't know if anyone will like this, or read it, but it's coming from my heart ... so I'm taking the chance that it'll resonate with other people searching for connection with themselves.

I'm right here alongside you, ready to share my thoughts, my own growth, and commit to complete honesty with you. I hope to bond with you through our commonalities, not project some high-and-mighty idea of what healing "should" be. It is a highly individual journey. I only just realized that it is even possible for me to heal. But it is, for everyone. What an amazing gift. 

I am here to bring you into a mindset of possibility. I, too, have felt so trapped for so long. Possibilities have helped me to open my own heart, mind and spirit to the idea that there is more out there for me. That there is purpose and meaning for all of us, just waiting for us to discover the door to our own truths and open it.

So what if, today, you took a chance on yourself? What if you believed that you deserve some of the love and attention that you give away so freely, and brought it back into your own soul? What if you decided that it's time to live your precious life to its full capacity? 

Take a chance on yourself today, no matter how big or small. Listen to your inner truth. It's been there all along, it's just waiting for you to pay attention. 

You can do this. We can do this.